Back to Work

Today was my first day back to work since my miscarriage and D&C. I really didn't know what to expect; it was a bittersweet feeling to be back into my old routine.

On one hand, I could gain a sense of normalcy from the familiar regimen: Up at 6:30 AM, out the door at 7:30. Lunch from 12-1, which always includes blaring music on my headphones while...let's call her "The Cruncher"...loudly chomps on her carrot sticks. Seriously, it's all the woman eats. Another lunchtime tradition is my daily dodging of the janitor. She's classically nosey and lingers about 2 minutes too long after a conversation has already ended. I have learned this the hard way. I also think she stole my makeup mirror. Anyways, 4:30 PM rolls around in a blink, and I'm back in my car for the ride home. Today, everything was the same. I rolled into the shower on time. The Cruncher indulged in all her crunching glory. I pretended to be on the phone when the janitor stopped by. At 4:34 PM, I was turning onto the highway, headed home. It's nice to know that some things never change.

On the other hand, how can anything be normal right now? Just because I am going through the motions, my life and I have dramatically altered in a mere 9 weeks. No matter how familiar the daily grind might seem, nothing, not even time, can ever erase that little heartbeat that faded too soon.

Of course, throwing myself onto my bed in a crying fit when I came home from work wasn't going to change anything. Trust me, I contemplated it. Instead, I sang along to some random song on the radio, and found my zen in a couple pieces of chocolate I had stashed in the freezer. Worked like a charm.